You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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