"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We left the knife in your bed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
