I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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