she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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