she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
