so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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