I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
