don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
