im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
