Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
