I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
