What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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