Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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