I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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