i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
