I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
