It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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