I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
