Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
