I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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