omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
