I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
