no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
