Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
