Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
