I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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