So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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