as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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