Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
