I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
