tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize