So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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