Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
