I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
my liver is dry heaving
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
