so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize