ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
