Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
