i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize