Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize