There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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