is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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