i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
