Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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