Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
