I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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