Michael Bay diarrhea
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
