You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
