think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Pooping to opera.
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