That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
