I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
