her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
