She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm bleeding and have questions
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
