I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
