I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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