Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
