Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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