Cold hands, warm shart.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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