this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
