dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
