What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
