Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
