yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They have beer where we have blood.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
