hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
