My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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