please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
