just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
