JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
