when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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