It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
