sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
