Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
