At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
