last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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