His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
