yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
