So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
