we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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