Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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