Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
