i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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