I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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