Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize