Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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