I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
