If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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