I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
where am i from again
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
