i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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