If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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