he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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