That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
