no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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