there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
