my vag is so smooth its legendary
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
