I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Porn is love you can see.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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