Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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