Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
