"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
