you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
