I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
